She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
