oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize