Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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