The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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