I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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