What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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