if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
