just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
