hotel room ftw
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
