With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
