I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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