All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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