She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
