I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
