There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
