You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
