I just saw a hot homeless man
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
