New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
