Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
