epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
