Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
