I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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