Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
