So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
