I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
