if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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