I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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