Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
one might say we're banned from that church
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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