Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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