So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
