she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
