Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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