but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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