My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
