I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
