When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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