Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
