do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
