We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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