So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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