When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
