I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
