his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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