so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
