It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
