You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
