I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
