i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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