Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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