I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
