and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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