He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
