I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
