my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Who did Billy Mays play for?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize