there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
