Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
