I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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