Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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