i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
