my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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