Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
