She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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