By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
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I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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