She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize