he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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