yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was confusing and full of hummus
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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