6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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