shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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