Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize