"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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