What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
two words: eviction party
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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