I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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