I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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