Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
