What a fucking waste of an outfit
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
