What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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