Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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