I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dicks are not precious.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
